In Morning

I'm not going to lie, the last six weeks of my life have been streaked with darkness. When my car got totaled (2nd time in 3 months), I experienced such a feelings of loss, disappointment, and frustration. In an instant, a collision, my seemingly full and abundant life became hectic and irritating. Essentially, the control I thought I had over my time crashed to the floor, scattering everywhere. All I could do was stand there and watch it unravel in slow motion. I further lost control when the other lady's insurance company gave me a hard time about the settlement. I had to fight with them for almost a month. It was so overwhelming, so out of control. Good thing God brings light, huh?

When I stopped trying to control everything, and gave it up to the fully capable Almighty, Holy Spirit brought me so much delight. I began to find peace in the midst of even the darkest of days. I could be in tears of frustration one moment, and then giddy with Holy Spirit the next. Suddenly being so out of control of my time and my life didn't seem like such a bad thing - it was kind of comforting to know that God was waiting to bless me at every corner of my day. I also gained awareness of miracles. As it turned out, I ended up getting less than my other car was really worth to me, but God multiplied that money like the widow of Zarepath's flour (1 Kings 17:22). After weeks of playing phone tag with the insurance company, God found the perfect car for me. I bought it on Wednesday and still had money left over! How amazing is that? Through this I learned that sometimes God has to take away things in order to give us something better. In my case, I was forced to give up control, but I gained peace over things that I couldn't control. I seriously learned so much and gained so much faith in God.

In the last 6 weeks God has been my:

Provider

Rescuer

Redeemer

Source of Laughter

Comfort

Peace

Energy

Wisdom

Inspiration

Source of Light

There's no denying that this is one of the most difficult things I've come against; but I also can't help but feel like it's sparked a release of something in me. Since Project Timothy, I've been impatient for my future; aware of God's dreams for me. I find myself thinking about the future a lot, but what I'm discovering is that God needs me to start some of these journeys now. I went to a worship "concert" last weekend and I just felt like God was reminding me of his dreams for me during one of the sets. As I sang one of the songs, my heart just lit up and I felt my palms get hot, just like they had during Project Timothy. It was there that God posed this question to me: "Are you willing to put your life on the altar?" I was so convicted, so reminded of the story I am a part of. He wants me to start now. Here. I'm beginning to see why He felt He needed to build my faith - I can't even articulate the plot of this next adventure.

So I will thank Him for the light, and all the new trails it illuminates.