Welcome to my Orchard

I have a lot on my plate right now. I'm on the cusp of huge change (for reals this time). My future is still smacking me in the face... And on and on.

I just feel like there is so much to celebrate. Even though a lot of this stuff seems huge and ridiculous and crazy, it's really ... not. Even the really hard stuff has an aura of easy and lightness about it.

I know that seems strange, so let me explain. I've finally reached a point in my life where I understand the assets that God has given me and how to use them - I'm finally starting to see tangible fruit from the work that Jesus has been doing in my heart.

These are some of the trees Jesus has cultivated to fruition:

Kairos

This is what brings Jesus' word to life for me and the method by which I get to experience the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. Everything that happens to me is an opportunity for it. By simply figuring out what God is saying and applying it, I've seen breakthrough after breakthrough in several areas of my life. I've become a junkie - I'm so addicted and I know how to get my fix.

Armor

It keeps me safe and gives me the strength to fight the enemy. The parts I connect with most right now are the breast plate and the peace cleats. Right relationship with God covers my heart from damage. I have come to understand that guarding my heart is more about pursuing a relationship with Jesus and less about saying 'no' to the wrong kind of boy. Peace keeps me steadfast and holds me to His promises. From a place of peace, I am no longer knocked down by the blows of the enemy. Peace is spiritual victory, a powerful weapon against the chaos of this world.

Word

It may sound cheesy, but I'm starting to view the reading of my Bible as a feast where I get to partake of something incredibly rich and sacred. I've seen entire days turn from bad to good, just from taking breaks to remind myself of truths concerning my identity, God's power, and the fact that He's always got my back. Romans 8 is a favorite right now. More than a conqueror!

Community

You know who you are.

You're the people who kick my butt when I need it. You encourage me and remind me of God's promises. You laugh at me and with me. You supply me with tons of vision and grace. You cry with me. You put up with my crazy infp shenanigans. You ask me how my week is going. You buy me coffee. You intercede on my behalf. You help me with my car stuff. You teach me everything you know. You put up with the fact that I am always 5+ minutes late. We have lots of conversations in parking lots. You write on my facebook wall and send me lots of messages. You let me hang out at your house a lot. You write me letters. You lead lives worth imitating.

I feel so wealthy and so privileged, knowing that God wants to give me everything. What I've received thus far is abundant and amazing. Ha and there's more!

Hello, D3. I kind of like you so far.

Two Cents

A friend of mine posted this video this week and it sparked quite the conversation about dating and relationships in a list of comments on Facebook. 'Waiting' and all that it entails must be a hot topic right now. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's always a hot topic; 20 somethings like me love to analyze it to death. So here are my thoughts.

I long to be loved. Like, my soul begs for it. I've wanted to be loved since the day I was born. I cried for my mom to pick me up and hold me, I wanted friends who would accept me and invite me to slumber parties, I got butterflies when that dreamy guy would look my way or say my name. All symptoms of this huge, Grand Canyon-sized chasm in my heart that can never be filled by perfect parents, awesome friends, or dreamy boys.

For me, every time I get to know Jesus better, I find that my relationship with Him reflects a greater, more satisfying version of friendship, romance, and sense of belonging than the shadowy earthly parallels I've know for the last 21 years and 8 months of my life. He's created me to receive from Him in friendship, romance, and identity (father/ daughter relationship), and countless other ways I'm sure I've yet to experience. These relationships we have on earth only help us enjoy and understand Him more; they are essentially the icing on some kind of proverbial cake.

I used to think that being single was some sort of penance for my parent's shortcomings in raising me or maybe the fact that I don't resemble a supermodel. I thought all the 'good ones' were taken and that I was somehow found undeserving.

Had Jesus forgotten that I needed to be loved??? Of course not.

Was He ignoring my requests because I wasn't pretty enough??? He thought the world of me.

Did He care at all??? Only enough to die so I could live in freedom.

Didn't he know that all the other girls had boyfriends??? Of course, but that's just irrelevant.

Why was He holding out on me? He wanted to give me everything.

First I had to learn that I am adored by the most romantic Lover of all time. He knows and understands my heart, my dreams, and my pet peeves. He knows all my quirks and shortcomings and sees me at my ugliest, yet never abandons me for a new or better version. A lot of this took place my freshman year of college - I'll never forget the first time my heart understood that He loved me; I remember feeling like a 5 year old who had just learned the song 'Jesus Loves Me' for the first time. The fact that He loved me personally and never wanted me to feel alone was divinely earth-shattering.

Second, I had to understand that He wanted to teach me how to be a woman after His heart. And so I allowed Him to start building my character and to teach me how to give and receive love. Almost naturally my desire to date decreased to almost nothing. That was such a time of intense growth - I learned to hunger after His word, constantly lay myself down in surrender, listen for His voice, and enjoy His presence to the point of laughter and tears. These are lessons I am still learning. The 'wait' has become a beautiful, challenging adventure into His heart and character. There is no striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman, there is simply saying 'yes' to the unforced rhythms of His grace and following His leadership.

I'm in a bit of a different stage of life right now, but the lessons learned in these two previous seasons still play a massive and increasingly deep role in my heart. What I know now is that, just as He has been teaching me to love and live like Him, He's also inviting and challenging my future husband in these same ways.

That being said, I've learned not to look for someone as perfect as Jesus because the real deal has, after all, been pursuing me since the dawn of time. I'm pretty sure fueling that desire could lead to a lifetime of bitterness and unmet expectations anyway. All I can do is invite Him into my imperfections and trust that my future husband will do the same.

So let's let Jesus be Jesus and let Him work through our imperfections. It'll all come together someday. For right now, we get to enjoy the peace that comes with knowing that we are wanted, the joy that comes from knowing He cherishes us, and the sweet electricity that comes from His presence.