"When you find yourself united with the One who has overcome all that you my ever fear, risk is the freedom of a bird in flight."
The most inviting and challenging thing about Jesus right now is learning to live with the freedom and trust that the birds have. There is so much in my life that is still coming to fruition, so I constantly feel like I'm toddling back and forth between discovering the truth of His promises and understanding that I need to trust Him so much more to see the desires of my heart unfold. I am completely convinced that Jesus' plan for my life is to move me to greater and greater dependence as He takes me to horizons I have yet to even know exist.
As of recently, destinations that once seemed so far away are suddenly within my grasp. As much as these are dreams come true for me, I am realizing that surrender and saying 'yes' to Jesus are more important than ever.
First of all, I burn for a lot of things - my generation, revival in the church, discipleship, mission, and loving people holistically (bio-psycho-social-spiritual dimensions), to name a few. While working on the Urban Plunge last year, I got to work closely with Tracey Beal and realized that she and I have an almost identical set of passions. The beautiful part of all of this is that Tracey is about 27 steps ahead of me in life. Throughout the past year, I have been immensely blessed by her and inspired by the soul-deep and generation-wide impact that she has. In the past few months, it has really become clear that I have a lot to learn from Tracey, in terms of how to push the boundaries of the church, balance passion with love for people, be a graceful apostle, and connect people with the true heart of God. Recently, I have also felt stirred to combine my social work education with my passion for ministry by wanting to teach pastors and churches to care for their people and communities multidimensionally. You might think me strange, but I dream about things like the syllabi I would write for Bible college classes I someday want to teach and how the Church could function if we truly grasped ahold of collaborating with one another to bring the Kingdom to earth.
This has been such a season of pressing hard in surrender and learning to be free of my worries for my ever nearing future, mainly in regard to what kind of job I will get after I graduate. Because my dreams are so huge, my realistic side, though usually quieter then the dreamer inside of me, has been thinking that it could take years before I actually see them through. That all changed during a meeting with Tracey about a week ago...
We were sitting in her office dreaming when she reintroduced an idea of mentoring me to orchestrate the Urban Plunge as a vehicle for teaching churches to find assets in their communities and bring heaven to earth in their neighborhoods. This would be my job - We are only beginning to explore ways to fund this position. A risk. Yes, I wonder about how I will pay my bills. Yes, I know that this will stretch me beyond measure. Yes, I understand that the unknowns outnumber the knowns.
My answer is yes.
I cannot tell you how very strange it is that dreams that once seemed so distant are now becoming close realities. Like every little girl, I have dreamed about being pursued and falling in love. As you know, Jesus has proven Himself faithful in pursuing my heart into deeper relationship with Him, and I have spent the past few years becoming absolutely smitten with my Savior.
About a year and a half ago, another man entered my life through friendship. A little less than a year ago, I began to think that maybe I liked him, based on the Fruit that was coming from his life. Taylor, my acquaintance became Taylor my friend, who then became Taylor, my close friend. For about six months, we talked almost daily about our values, the way we saw life, and what we saw God doing all around us. During this time, I started to think that I liked him and that it was highly probable that this was mutual. I can't tell you how many times Jesus and I talked about him and how often I had to completely surrender my feelings for him. Around May, I decided that Taylor and I were probably just going to stay friends. I liked him, but decided that his feelings for me were phileo in nature.
... And then a week later, he called me. Lunch followed the next day. I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened. On May 21st, Taylor, my close friend became Taylor, the guy I was dating - Low commitment, little affection, increasing friendship. In July, Taylor, the guy I was dating, became Taylor, my boyfriend.
Since then, I have had to surrender more than ever. Checking my feelings at the door when Jesus and I talk about life and the future has become the norm. All the while, Taylor and I have found that our feelings for each other are accelerating in intensity and volume. We have sought hard to maintain balance, pay attention to Spirit, and receive input and encouragement from some key people who know what they are doing when it comes to being in love.
We recognize that life is a story well-written by our generous creator, and everyday, it is becoming increasingly apparent that we have an important role to play in each other's stories. To be honest, I am ecstatic about Taylor. He has become an even better friend to me than I ever could have imagined, and I am honored to be pursued by him. This is a story still being written, but I have to say that we are enjoying every word.
There is something incredibly sweet and powerful about trusting Jesus with my love life and knowing that He will continue to care for my heart. Romance with Jesus continues to be a source of deep excitement for me, and learning to be His little bird is a beautiful and increasingly satisfying process that I will probably be discovering for the rest of my life.
