4 Shades of Red

It's like I hardly recognize this girl in the picture to the left.

Who was that girl? A year ago, I was still searching for my identity. I had just started entering into a heartfelt and sincere relationship with Jesus three months prior. In a way, I was much like a toddler, taking little steps, clinging to anything that seemed the least bit stable. In this same way, my friendships lacked depth and vulnerability. Sure I had some good friends, but we were rarely focused on leading each other to Jesus and staying accountable to God's best. I remember feeling so afraid to take risks - I didn't know what God wanted to do through me yet. I spent so much time being jealous of other peoples' gifts that I ignored the authority that God wanted to give me to impact others' lives.

I cannot help but realize how much difference a year makes. My hair has been four different shades of red since then, I've driven two different cars, I've left my teenage years, I've changed jobs, I've grown in my capacity to love, etc. It's totally crazy to think that I hadn't even met or become friends with some of the people who know me the best now. Everything is tremendously changed.

...And then there's the girl on the right.

This past year has been a time of intense, deep, and gentle growth in my heart. It's amazing how much we can grow when we invest time into going up with our relationship with God, in with our community, and out into the world to proclaim the Gospel with our lives. I've been intentionally sowing into these three areas this past year, and I just feel like my life is starting to produce fruit. I never realized how crucial all of this was - I always thought that other things would make me happy. These things consisted of finding a boyfriend, moving out, finding a better paying job, etc. None of these things have happened to me this year, and I have never been more joyful and excited to live my life.

Up: God continues to increase the depth of our relationship each day. He continues to surprise me with new dreams and deep love; I find myself hungry for quality time with Him. Every time I surrender a part of my life over to Him, I get so much more of His grace, love, and power. I'm so excited for this next year of my life because I know that I am going to experience more of this and more of Him. There is so much more growth to experience on this journey.

In: God has really blessed me with an incredible community; I think that this is probably the biggest area of growth for me.

I've really been gaining perspective on the idea of church. I get to be a part of three vastly different communities on a weekly basis. Open Heaven is a house church I go to on Saturday nights. It's not uncommon for the Holy Spirit to do rad stuff there; it really boosts my faith every time I hear testimony of what God is doing. I'm probably most involved at CCC, which is where I truly experience the family of God. I love worshiping Jesus with people of all different ages and backgrounds. And I love investing in the Jr. High kids there. And then there's The Exchange at Pure Heart, which is all young adults. This is where I just get to have fun with amazing friends and get fed during worship. I view all three of these as my church, and I'm so thankful for the community that I have in all of them.

I have the privilege of regularly being mentored and challenged by Chris and Kelsi. I meet with Chris on a weekly basis as a part of my internship with him. I'm so thankful that I have this opportunity - he is so supportive of my dreams and so willing to help me make them happen. I also get to be in Kelsi's huddle, where I am learning so much about the Holy Spirit, healing, and spiritual authority. I love doing life with this group of women; I gain more clarity on life with every Kairos I process. I also belong to an amazing small group where we are learning to wait on the Lord for His best. I seriously love all of this so much.

I have these incredible friends named Brittney and Madi that point me to Jesus. We are seriously the silliest girls you will ever meet. I have so many fun memories with them, and I love that we can have crazy deep philosophical conversations on a regular basis. My favorite thing about them is that we are on this intense journey of knowing Jesus together. The way that we keep each other accountable to God's best is so encouraging. I've never known friends who understand life so well. I'm also grateful that I've been meeting so many other friends in the past few months, and I hope that I still know all these people for the rest of my life. I feel like I have so many opportunities to do amazing things because of my them - hikes, luaus, volleyball, upcoming road trips. Ahhh so good.

I'm also really excited to say that there are a lot of really great guys in my life. I'm learning so much about being faithful and being a friend and a sister to the men around me. I seriously can't tell you how much I love it when guys honor me by walking me to my car, getting to know what's important to me, or just asking me about my day. I know that God has a lot to teach me about honoring them as a friend and a sister, and someday as a wife to my husband.

And last but not least, I love my family. I didn't realize how different college would make my life, even though I still lived at home. My mom and dad have been so supportive of everything that God has called me into over this past year. We don't see each other all that often, but we take time each Sunday afternoon to eat lunch together and catch up on all the things happening in our lives. I'm so thankful for them.

Out: I feel like this area of my life is the most recent one to bear fruit. Yeah, I've been a Jr. High leader for the past couple of years, but I feel like God is challenging me to do so much more. It has only been over the past few months that I've felt comfortable sharing what the Lord is doing in me and praying for people. I felt so inspired last night when some of my friends were talking about sharing the Gospel on Mill Ave. I think that this is a probable next chapter in this journey I'm on. I'm becoming incredibly passionate about people experiencing the power of Jesus, and hungry for revival. If anything, I want the Holy Spirit to work through me in every interaction, leaving people hungry for more of Him.

I'm so stoked for the next chapter of my Louder Than Words, too. I'm starting to work on events for the upcoming months, and am feeling so fulfilled. I'm learning so much of this as I go, and I feel really stretched by it sometimes; however, I know that God has me doing this right now, even if it is sometimes hard. This is the area I want to grow in most in the next year - I want to see people healed, made whole, and rejoicing because of Jesus.

Developing my out had become a very real next step because I've grown so much in my relationship with God (Up) and my relationships with people (In). I'm so excited to see what the next four shades of red will look like.

Captivating Mermaids

First of all, I just want to give a shout out to my friend Yvonne for planning an incredible movie night for our Jr. High girls. We ended up watching The Little Mermaid and discussing all of the real life parallels. The girls were amazed at how this cartoon movie could possibly relate to their lives as young women. I probably hadn't seen The Little Mermaid in at least ten years until tonight, but I was so blown away by how much it reeked of truth about who we are as women.

I've also been reading Captivating and Wild At Heart by John and Stasi Eldredge lately. I love these books because they affirm that men and women are snapshots of God's heart for us. In other words, our longings and desires strongly correlate to the ones that God feels for us.

For a refresher on the plot of The Little Mermaid, click HERE

Ariel believes she has to change herself so that Eric will love her, and she almost destroys herself and her family in the process. I cannot tell you how many times I have become sick with this lie. Haven't we all? Ariel is willing to sign away her future and give up her voice for something that might not even last. Stasi Eldredge says this: "Little girls want to know Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen - that is what that's all about. We are seeking the answer to our Question. [...] Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her desire to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered "Yes!" THIS is why we turn to the lies that tell us that we need to be someone else to be captivating. Just as Ariel turns to Ursula for her legs, we turn to the lies that tell us to change ourselves, act more seductive, or pursue relationships that go against God's best for our lives. As I've been growing closer to God's heart this year, I feel like I've been experiencing more and more freedom from this each day. All I want is for all of the other women in my life to know that God delights in us SO MUCH that we don't need anything else to answer our Question.

Ursula promises Ariel love, but then proceeds to sabotage Ariel's chances every opportunity she gets. Ursula even goes so far as to use Ariel's stolen voice and to masquerade herself as a beautiful woman. Ursula doesn't create anything - all she does is destroy and steal. That is so like the enemy that we know. He comes to steal and destroy everything that is good - including romance. As women, we have such desire for romance - "What happens to each woman is that romance releases her true beauty and awakens her heart. She comes alive. As women, we long to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our femininity. We long for romance. We are wired for it; it's what makes our hearts come alive." (More Captivating). I get so angry when I realize that the enemy has lied to me and told me that I can only be validated by hastily finding a dating relationship and letting intimacy with that person alone fill the void that God longs to fill. The Lord promises us so much in this area. Hosea 2:14 says: "Therefore I am going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." As women, we have a choice to make. We can either accept the enemy's lie that a relationship holds all of our value and then proceed to watch him destroy everything good about it, or we can choose to wait on the Lord and let Him satisfy our deepest desires. It's truly wonderful if you think about it - we get to let the Lord prepare our hearts for His best and be loved passionately at the same time. I think I'm becoming more and more thankful everyday that God has called me into such deep romance with Him. I can hardly fathom seeking a relationship right now, because I am so aware of His faithfulness and His desire to continue preparing me to be an amazing wife someday.

I am so stoked about freedom and romance with Jesus, and I want so badly for people to know the truth that I've been growing in. As women, we cannot accept the world's lies that a string of broken hearts and "dating experience" is required to find our soul mate. We cannot allow ourselves to be seduced by the insincere beauty of the enemy. God desires so much more for us, but we must break free of anything that does not reflect the beautiful things that God promises. For me, that means being single right now and surrendering my love life completely over to Jesus every chance I get. I'm not going to lie, it's really hard sometimes. Recently, it has become so easy for me to get distracted by some of the incredible guys in my life. This is why I am so thankful for my two best friends who keep me accountable to freedom and God's best.

If anything, we are meant to be the princesses of our own fairy tales. The truth is that we are beautiful daughters of an incredibly generous and powerful king who is fiercely protective of our future. He wants the best for us, and He is faithful in preparing us for beautiful romance. All we have to do is consent to live under His power and rule before, during, and after we ride off into the sunset with a prince handpicked by Him.

Here's to misdirected inspiration. ...Back to my paper on nonprofit resourcing and theoretical approaches.