Clueless

Pretty sure I never saw this coming. Oops. My bad.

It's kind of like arriving somewhere and not being able to remember how you got there. At this 'destination,' my schedule is different, my relationships are starting to look very different, work looks different, rest looks different. Many of my dreams are coming true and I have no idea how.

Maybe I'm just not used to dreams becoming reality...

• Amazing provision
• Turning my ring
• Going overseas to do missions
• Amazing community
• Getting to invest in people and see them grow
• People of peace

Recently, it dawned on me that this was really happening and it became this kairos that required my almost immediate attention. In previous seasons, I've kind of known what to expect and I've done my best to brace myself for what was coming. In this season, I am completely and utterly clueless and totally okay with it.

This time, it is so different. I find myself living in the middle of my dreams, not even knowing that they started without me. When I asked Jesus about it, He said that these things were the tangible breakthroughs of the work that He had been doing beneath the surface of my heart. Essentially, He made them happen. I didn't.

It still continues to blow my mind that my life isn't about making things happen. The way I live my life is an active response to what God is already doing. I love the kind of freedom this creates - There is no trying or working hard. There is only following His footsteps and feeling easy and light about it.

I could get used to this.

Coffee & Kites

So, if we talk often, you know that I LOVE prescribing meaning to seemingly ordinary things. I'm an NF. It's what I do!

Coffee

It's not so much coffee itself, but the way people order it. In case you don't know, I'm a barista and the coffee orders I sometimes get are ridiculous. I don't mind the complicated small latte-only a pump and a half of caramel, no more no less-soy milk steamed to 135 degrees- extra shot of espresso-1 inch of room orders. It's the people who don't know how to order coffee that drive me a little crazy. They approach nervously, refuse to make eye contact, and ask me which kind of latte has espresso in it. ...Every latte has espresso. And then there are the people who try to order that thing their friend got that one time, except they don't know the name of it or what it tastes like. Those are the people that make me want to shake my head and roll my eyes.

I wonder if Jesus goes a little crazy when we don't know how to ask for what we want from Him. Like, there are the people that just go for it, telling Him everything they want from the Spirit. They know exactly what to expect from Jesus and they have confidence that He will deliver. And then there are the people that don't know the vocabulary so well. They enter awkwardly into His presence, not even knowing the needs in their souls that He wants to satisfy. I think I fall somewhere in the middle of these two extremes - there are times when I boldly ask Him for what I already know He wants to give, and others when I barely know that I need something from Him, let alone what. I've come to the conclusion that Jesus has far more grace than I do. I'm comforted by the fact that, when I don't know what to pray, the Spirit intercedes for me (Romans 8:26-28). As long as we come to Him, expecting to receive, we will do just that!

Kites

I flew one recently.

As I was standing there watching it flutter in the wind, I understood a little more about life on God's terms. It's a lesson in dependence, really.

Alone, my life is as flimsy and small as a kite still in the package. It's a good thing the Spirit, like the wind, is expansive, artful, and powerful. I love the way that Jesus empowers us to soar beyond the bounds of what we think is possible. It further goes to show that we can do absolutely nothing without Him. The more we rely on Him, the higher and farther we go. There's just no other way. I think I'm learning more and more that, to be as high as a kite, I've got to let the Spirit call the shots.