Narcissism

I was in a seminar class a few weeks ago listening to a lecture on the DSM-IV-VTR when I learned that the disorder for narcissism is being taken out of the next edition because most everyone born after 1985 fit the characteristics. Narcissism is now a norm, not a disorder. Isn't that crazy?

We are a generation defined by our love for ourselves.

If you take a minute to reflect, I think you will agree that this is the case.

Since learning that, every kairos I experience seems to be exclusively about me and the condition of my heart.

In essence, it's not about me ... But it's about me.

The Urban Plunge

Dude. Don't know if you've ever been leveled by Jesus, but I totally was. With every session of inductive Bible study, every powerful worship time, and every evening speaker, Jesus exposed all of these attitudes in my heart that were totally breaking His. Many of these were perspectives and frustrations that I'd been projecting onto other people, ways that I had judged others for not sharing my passions and vision. At the end of it all, I realized that I had been acting as if the Body of Christ was about me. I was seeing myself as THE part of the Body, not ONE part. What I realized is that I had started to identify myself by my passions, rather than relying on the Lord for my identity. So crazy.

Here is what I learned: I am who I am because Jesus loves me, not because I love Urban Plunge and Herrera, not because I want to devote my life to helping others, not because I play music and lead worship on occasion. The things that I do are an expression of His love for me. Other parts of the Body do what they do because He first loved them. All different expressions of the same identity. How could I possibly resent those He loves and has given distinct responsibility? Wow.

Clumsy/ Everything

If you've been tracking with me during the past few months, you know that I'm in a D2 season, and character is of the essence. It seems that, lately, I've been falling all over myself in every attempt to keep pressing forward towards D3. My well-rehearsed worship set? So awkward. Communication with those in leadership over me? Terrible. My attention to detail? Lacking. My dependence on Jesus? Missing. Inspiration for growth? Myself. Hmmmm see the connection? All of these random little stories are actually kind of hilarious. If you want a good laugh, I'll tell you each one over coffee sometime.

What I've been learning: My life isn't about me. Revolutionary, isn't it? I feel like I've been living out of my own capacity, talent, and power, not that of Jesus. Ha! No wonder. When I think about it, Jesus has given me a great deal of favor in different areas, but I've not been faithful with it. What does faithfulness look like? Faithfulness looks like being at peace with my weakness and relying on Him for opportunities and strength. Faithfulness looks like releasing everything - all that exists in my life - to Him at every turn.

My will. My emotions. My relationships. My dreams. My worship. My devotion. Everything back to the one who created it.

Banning Liebscher

I got to hear Banning Liebscher speak at Church for the Nations on Saturday night. Oh my goodness. He shared testimony after testimony of God's power being poured out in our generation - people being healed, loved, and raised from the dead. So powerful! He talked about how, as the redeemed, we are in the business of revival, that we could see whole cities come to know Jesus if we allowed ourselves to be set apart to holiness. Not set apart from sin. Set apart to holiness. The reason we separate from sin is to give EVERYTHING (That word again!), every part of ourselves to God, getting authority from Him, and living as slaves to Christ. We can only move in power when we give Jesus everything. Power of salvation and redemption. Isn't that exciting?

The lesson: It's about Jesus and His heart for the world. I am where I am to bring revival. Not to bring Amanda. There is something powerful about choosing Jesus over every other option out there - options like pride, success, and temporary satisfaction. Saying yes to Jesus automatically means saying no to myself. So how do I bring revival? I simply say yes. Yes to Jesus. Yes to His power. Yes to divine reality. Yes to everything, really.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Pot/ the Conclusion

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

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¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

If I were a perfect pot, completely whole, not cracked in any way, how could people ever experience the living water that is Jesus?

Ha good thing the water's more important than the pot.

Here's to saying no to pot and yes to Him.

Just Like Spandex

This has been a really huge week of growth for me. Each day, I would wake up feeling like I couldn't even handle my life.

'Ugh another day where I don't get to do what I want.'

'Man, I can't believe I'm involved in so much right now.'

'I can't do this. I don't know how. I don't want to. '

Each day, there was this moment when the heavy and seemingly impossible became easy and light, when I was able to just surrender and feel His presence settle over me. I don't think I understood that I could even stretch this much, that I could even have the capacity to run with this much endurance.

I think this can be attributed to the fact that it's not me against the world, It's Jesus and me against the world. We're in this together. I'm His Mrs. Incredible. I love the way that Jesus is ready to prove Himself to me at every moment where I feel like the world is just too much. The truth is that the world is never overwhelming to Him because He already conquered it. Therefore, I am more than a conquerer in Him.

Because He is in me, I have everything I need to face the day. Everything. He is Everything. Because He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world, I have the power to stretch and fight for what I believe in, to run the race with endurance, to receive the highest prize.

Abide. Stretch. Grow. Learn. Run. Conquer.

Watch the world be redeemed.

Do ittt.

Just spent the pretty much my whole day working on the Urban Plunge and I just have this surge of excitement that it's going to be so amazing. Seriously, do not miss out.

Can't even tell you how excited I am for this. If you are in college, you NEED to go. Like, it's not even an option. This will change your life like it did mine. If you don't know what it is, you can read last year's blog HERE.

If you're not in college, there are still ways for you to get involved:

-Donate a basketball (We're looking for 15)

-Donate a soccer ball (We need 10)

-Donate a box of granola bars (We're looking to raise for 300 kids)

Seriously, so easy. If you love me, you will do this :)

That is all.

Kind of a Big Deal

How do you know who you are?

Chances are somebody told you. Probably your parents.

It's kind of a basic question when you think about it, but I think the repercussions are kind of a big deal.

Let me put it this way, you cannot get a job, a bank account, or even enroll in school without proof of who you are. Basically, identity is a nonnegotiable asset we use to access our lives. So much so, that there are entire industries dedicated to preventing identity theft.

Though there are probably more ways to identify ourselves than ever, a deep sense of identity is sorely lacking, especially in my generation.

Like I said before, our identity comes from relationships. What if relationships have failed us? What if the only people who have told us who we are have also hurt us?

I think this is the reason many people don't know who they are; the reason many eagerly accept the labels that others put on them. Labels like failure, perfect, never good enough, invincible.

So... What does this mean? It means that we can live hopelessly, constantly being tossed around by others' view of us, or we can follow in Jesus' footsteps, receiving our sense of who we are directly from the Father and rejecting any other perception that contradicts this truth.

You see, our identity from the Father is our access to Life. In John 8, Jesus tells His followers that they are no longer slaves, but children of God, that they will have eternal life, and that He is who He says He is.

I speak from experience when I say that the more my understanding of who I am comes from my heavenly Father, the more steady I am. Instead of being constantly thrown off balance by the uncertainty of my life and surroundings, I get to hold firm to His truth. I love being able to freely accept criticism without the fear that it will somehow deplete my sense of security. I love being free to invest in relationships, even if the return is minute. I love that I can take risks, even if failure is a definite possibility. I love being able to stand strong in the chaos of a fallen world.

When you think about it, you don't have to do anything; your identity is given to you free of charge. Any misconception that who you are is synonymous with what you do is a complete and utter lie. Instead, it's our Father in heaven who tells us who we are, and from identity comes obedience to His will.

So how can Jesus get away with telling us to take up our cross and follow Him, all the while promising that his yoke is easy and light? It all comes back to the flow of obedience from identity. The fact that He knows us so completely, yet loves us so unfailingly (basic components of I.D., if you think about it) gives Him the authority to ask us to die to ourselves and take on His character.

So, not only do I relish the fact that He loves and knows me, but I can't help but want to obey Him when He tells me to submit to Him yet again. For me, this season of my life is all about character and growing into the shoes He has made for me to fill (D2, if you're familiar). I don't really think that I could ever permit Him to take me there if I didn't know who I was first; it's pretty much my saving grace on the days that He points out yet another thing we have to work on. Right now, I find that I am low on experience and know-how when it comes to really doing things well. Good thing I'm not what I do, right?

Identity. Get some.

The Day I Found John 15 in my Closet

As Chris very accurately put it, I've already hit D2 of this season. I don't think I ever actually got through D2 last semester, so maybe this is just a continuation? Ha.

Today, though, I was reminded that D2 is a time for tons of vision and grace, both from people in leadership over me and from Jesus Himself.

So what's the vision? Pruning.

It really does remind me of cleaning out my closet last month. I found myself saying things like:

"Maybe I could like this, given the right combination."

"Well, these jeans used to fit..."

"I really did like this awhile ago, maybe I'll just wait and see if I begin to like it again."

"I don't remember why I bought this, but I probably had a good reason at the time."

I think these same excuses go for other areas of my life. There are things I do that certainly were a good fit to my style and capacity a while ago, but I think these words from Jesus are ringing true with incredible clarity for me right now:

"I am the true vine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." -John 15:1-4

Jesus is like, "Hey Amanda, remember the time you surrendered your schedule to me? Remember how the promise of life abundant and balance are the legs you stand on? Remember all the ways I work things out for you when you commit yourself to being faithful with your time? Remember how important honor is?"

... And there's the grace.

Hey Jesus, I think you're right about that. I think it's time to get the shears out.

Reality

I'm an idealist, in case you haven't figured it out yet. I can easily sit for a whole afternoon and think of possibilities, yet do nothing. The prospect of what could be distracts me to the point of ignoring what is.

So I've been learning that, in reality, life isn't fair.

In reality, that guy I barely knew who seemed like he could be amazing really wasn't.

In reality, I probably can't live 36 hours of life in 24.

In reality, not every person I talk to will take my advice to heart.

In reality, not every Christian who needs to understand Jesus' heart for social justice will immediately understand and jump on board.

And that's when I realize that, the more I commit myself to what God is doing and surrender my dreams completely to Him, the more I'm okay with reality and the way things are.

In reality, Jesus came so I could have life and have it to the full.

In reality, I have an important role to play in God's dream to reclaim all that is good in the world.

In reality, I get to invest my life in the amazing women in my huddle.

In reality, Jesus is making my dreamboat husband more like Himself everyday.

In reality, Jesus' love is greater than life itself.

In reality, I get to draw a great deal of authority from the intimate relationship I have with God.

In reality, the more I am faithful with the things God has given me, the more I will be given.

In reality, I get to enjoy peace and hope as fruits of deep relationship.

In reality, I have been given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven.

I still dream, but I recently feel much less compelled to. Reality is just too good.

In case you were wondering: http://listen.grooveshark.com/playlist/Um+Yes+/42419675

Diet Cokes

D2.

Have you ever been to a restaurant? The kind where the waitress constantly hovers near your table, petitioning to refill your cup of diet coke? The kind where you are constantly reassured by Jill, your server, that your cup will never be empty?

Have you ever seen a well? The kind that they dig deep into the ground to access the clean water hidden from view? The kind whose depths look black and abysmal to your eyes? The kind you lower a bucket into?

My answer is yes to both questions; however, this isn't really about wells or tumblers of diet coke. This is about character.

So, in life, there are three kinds of topography.

There are the mountain tops - Those moments with God where you feel like He is right there. Like He's in the air and the trees and the sky.

There are the valleys - those moments with God where you feel His heart ache with you, those times where you can just feel His hot tears on your shoulder.

And then there is stable ground - the moments of life that just seem to pass with the click of a ticking clock and the flip of a calendar page.

In some places, if you dig deep enough, you will find a dangerous current of water. Underneath the seemingly boring, there is excitement waiting to be found.

I'm trying to dig a well.

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder why I'm not excited. It usually means that I'm not being challenged. And then, once I am challenged, I look at my life and wonder why things are so difficult.

Lately, I've been really challenged with things that I lack in character in comparison to Jesus. You see, I don't want to be a good citizen or a good Christian, I want people to receive Life from me. So that is my well. How do I become like Him? How do I dig deep enough to access the constant excitement that comes from living the Gospel? How do I dig deep enough to access Jesus' passion for healing the sick, feeding the poor, and showing people the Father?

I can't say that I know what I've gotten myself into. If we are speaking in terms of digging wells, there is no bottom in sight. All I know is that the best way to become like someone is to hang out with them as much as possible.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes hanging out with God feels like scratching the surface of concrete, but the promise of depth and excitement keeps me going. The more I surrender my life to Him and throw the rocks and debris behind me, the more I see.

The more I see that He really did come so I could have life, but not just so I could have any old life, but so that I could have life to the full. Exciting, challenging, adventurous Life.

The more I see that Holy Spirit really is like an overeager waitress, that He always has a refill for me, that I never have to run out of peace or joy or hope.

The more I see that there is a difference between dehydration and thirst.

The more I see that I never have to be dehydrated, I never have to feel like I'm dying or hazy or about to faint of boredom.

The more I see that I will always be thirsty, that I will never, ever get enough relationship with Him.

The more I see that my thirst for right relationship will be continually gratified.

The more I see that character really is about wells and refills of diet coke.