Project Timothy 2009

I've been back from Project Timothy for a week now. And I've been putting off writing this blog because there is just so much to talk about! Anyways, I'm going to pull sections from the daily journal entries I wrote.

7/9/09

"I'm at Project Timothy right now. Getting here was actually kind of fun. There was like that moment when we merged from the 101 to the I-10 where I realized that the next couple of weeks would be drastically different from anything else. A kind of excitement began to build up ... Like, "This is really happening!" So much of our trip is completely ambiguous to me right now, so it's kind of crazy. I read Hebrews 11 today, which kind of talked about that. Basically, it gave examples of people from the old testament and how faith in God gives us the courage to do His work, even when we might never see the results. It helped me remember that things could get pretty crazy on this trip, but we shouldn't even stop to worry because there is like a 100% chance that God is faithful, and we never should even doubt the fact that anything that happens is His plan. Crazy amazing! I have such a feeling of purpose right now. I think this is because I am praying for confirmation of my future. This is HUGE because my future is also kind of ambiguous at this point. What does God have for me?"

"It is not what [Abel] brought, but rather what he believed." [...] Each one of these people of faith died not having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world!" Hebrews 11:4, 11:13-14

7/10/09

"Today was amazing. I've got to admit that I was a little skeptical of this orientation thing, but right now I'm feeling so fed! That can only mean one thing: we're going to be doing a lot of feeding! We did a lot of team building type stuff today. Some quite serious and some silly. One activity that we did was called Life Line. For it, we picked 5 major events in our lives and shared them with our group. It was the first time that I had ever shared some of the events in my life with anyone not immediately connected to them. It was so crazy. I ended my life line with February 14, 2009, the day that I felt more loved by God than I could ever possibly describe. I came to tears as I finished my list. Not because I was feeling hurt or embarrassed, but because I was feeling so humbled by the recurrence of God's faithfulness in my life. [...] And then tonight happened. During worship (Unchanging, Desert Song, Hosanna, and The Stand) I felt like I was truly on fire with the Holy Spirit - like in Acts 2. Like I can't describe it, I just felt hot but the air around felt cool. I felt so humbled, I just fell to my knees. Most amazing worship experience ever. [...] I think I'm unearthing a huge store of His fruits that I never knew was there. I don't know if I can even describe it in human terms."

7/12/09

"My mind is truly buzzing right now. Part of our week on site is going to be spent with DOOR (Discovering Opportunities for Outreach and Reflection). They are an organization that partners with non-profits in LA. Could that be any more perfect? I don't think so. I'm definitely feeling the strength of God's calling on my life right now."

7/13/09

"Today, we hung out with kids at a day camp. We spent time in a computer lab, game room, and at the pool. I don't know that this was really much of a significant experience for me or my group. What I did get out of it was that the kids we hung out with today had so much joy, even in the midst of less than ideal circumstances. I was really impressed that the Red Cross and Salvation Army could do so much. [...] Tonight, the director of DOOR brought two homeless people to our evening session. We just got to sit and talk with them and listen to their stories. It was amazing! I don't think I'll ever look at homeless people the same way again."

7/14/09

"Today we are going to Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row. My only idea of what skid row is like comes from a movie called 'The Soloist'. It's about a cello player who ends up on the streets, and much of it takes place in this area of LA. I saw this movie a couple of weeks ago, and it really challenged me. i should have been scared to go to this part of LA, but I'm not. [...] I feel like I'm living so 'in the moment' during this trip. I kind of love it. I'm working in the field of my passion. I really can see myself working at DOOR someday, or some place a lot like it. My calling feels really intense in a lot of ways right now. I'm so stoked! [...] Skid Row was really like I imagined it would be. We had to park kind of far away from the shelter, so we had to walk. The cement wreaked of urine, and we were surrounded by old, dilapidated buildings. I probably saw at least 50 homeless people as we walked from the parking lot to the shelter. While we were there, we helped serve and prepare meals. We worked so hard! It was exhausting.

Tonight, instead of preparing dinner, we were each given a dollar and told to find food. Our team combined our 8 dollars and bought a box of cheerios, bread, peanut butter, and jelly. To even get to that point was so crazy. I definitely saw the crazy side of my team! It was cool, though, because we pulled it together at the end by doing a little panhandling. I can't imagine what it would be like to be homeless and to have to struggle to find food. We ended up eating our dinner on the street with two homeless guys. It was totally a blessing to get to eat with them. This day was so tiring."

7/15/09

"We went to do some tutoring at a charter school. Serena and I worked in an 8th grade math classroom. It was so hard because I don't even remember 8th grade math! It was also difficult because a lot of the kids didn't even want to try. They seemed really discouraged. I got to help another kid write an essay, which was actually right up my alley. We started off slow, but he started to get really excited about it towards the end. It was cool.

We also got to go sight seeing tonight. We walked down Hollywood Boulevard, past the Kodak Theatre, and took the subway to Olvera Street, which is a little mexican marketplace. It seriously reminded me of Mexico. Anyways, we took some awesome pictures and I bought a really cool bag. Pretty darn fantastic."

7/16/09

"This day was nothing like planned. First of all, our car wouldn't even start. So, basically, we were late to our site. We cleaned up the outside of Door of Hope, which is transitional housing for families. Though our morning was extremely productive, I felt like our afternoon was purposeless. I hope we made a difference. When it was time to leave, our car wouldn't start again. The battery was completely dead! We had to wait for a really long time to even get help. It was totally frustrating. On the flip side, God totally provided us with the little things we needed to make it through the afternoon. Amazing. I think that was my biggest God sighting of the day. we also got to worship with the other youth group that is working at DOOR with us. That was incredible as well. I think that I'm encountering God the most in the Body of Christ this week."

7/17/09

"I'm sitting on the roof of The Union Rescue Mission right now. I'm sleeping here tonight. We left DOOR and went on a hike to the Griffith Observatory. It was totally rad! We also said good-bye to the other youth group we'd worked with. It was so totally cool to work with another part of The Body. I mean, we'll probably never see them again, but we can keep in touch. After leaving, we went back to Union, which is where I am right now. That was an experience in itself. When we got there, there was no room in the parking garage, and we were told to go around the back of the building to the parking lot. Well, that lot wasn't open. So we must have circled the same street about five times. We we were so conspicuous. It started to get really crazy. Once we got to the lot and were walking in, things didn't get any better. People yelled at us and looked us up and down. It was obvious that we didn't belong. I got to thinking that this is how the homeless must feel all the time. It was humiliating and humbling at the same time. Our first task was to hand out water to people on the streets. It was so hands on. I think that was my favorite part. It's hard to think that people stay out on the streets all day and might not have water. We saw so many people. We also got to serve dinner tonight. That was so gratifying, especially when people would take the time to thank us. Several of the people seemed almost ungrateful, but there was one lady that went out of her way to show she was thankful. That was such a blessing! I think that made my whole night."

7/18/09

"Last night, we slept on the roof of Union Rescue Mission. It was so cold! I expected to hear a lot of noise on the street from where we slept, but it was surprisingly quiet. During the night, tons of rats flood the street there. That was probably the craziest thing that happened. That and the fireworks that randomly went off. We got up at about 5 a.m. this morning - the sun wasn't even up yet! We served breakfast and helped prepare lunch. That was the end of our work. Serving meals is always really fulfilling because you get to see the immediate result of handing someone a plate of food. I was surprised by how much energy God gave me.

We went sightseeing for the rest of today. We went to the Venice Boardwalk and to Robertson St., which is like a swanky shopping district. We went on a "scavenger hunt" and got so much free stuff!"

7/19/09

"We went to PR's old church today. The service seemed so short compared to ours! After that we went to the beach. It felt so good to just sit and be still. I had a lot of fun and we took a lot of cool pictures. Tomorrow, we head back to Ontario for debrief. I can't believe that this week is already over. I can't wait to hear everyone else's stories."

7/20/09

"It's so weird being back at debrief. I kind of feel like I forgot everyone else in the world existed. Like I'm Truman in The Truman Show. Even still, it's really empowering to hear everyone's stories."

7/21/09

"Today was my last day at Project Timothy. We shared our funny stories during a game of Catastrophe this morning. It was fun to hear all of the stories from the different sites. We also put together our video presentation. It went so smoothly! Like, smoother than it should have. It was awesome. Tonight was like totally amazing. We all shared the stories that impacted our hearts the most. God definitely moved in and through us at our sites this week. There was a real sense of God at work in the room. Project Timothy has been so amazing, and I'm so glad that I went. I can't wait to tell everyone everything that happened to me in the last two weeks."

So there you have it, PT was definitely a life altering experience. Through it, God spoke into my life and showed me more of His passion and His vision. Thanks be to God!

Official Project Timothy Blog

Project Timothy Photos

www.doornetwork.org

www.doorhollywood.blogspot.com

www.invisiblepeople.tv/blog/

Mid-PT

I'm at my Project Timothy Site right now - Hollywood in Los Angeles, CA. Hollywood is such an interesting neighborhood - there are many instances of wealth, but probably even more instances of poverty. Interesting. We are in the computer lab with some of the kids at a program called RED SHIELD, which is a day camp for kids living in LA. Later on this week, we will be serving meals in a shelter on skid row, and working as teachers assistants in a charter school. We also are going to be exploring Hollywood a little bit. And then going to church in Paramount, CA. Can I just say that this is amazing? We will be working with an organization called DOOR for the rest of the week. I'm kind of thinking that I would like to work with DOOR when I grow up. It's kind of like confirmation for the calling on my life. It feels so amazingly right. I love it! Continue to pray for my team and the other teams in Jamaica, Japan, and Texas, as we continue to serve this week. I'll write more when I get back, I promise.

Experiencing and Discovering God Everywhere

So, the day before I left for Colorado, I got rear ended by a tow truck. A frickin' tow truck! If it hadn't been my car, I would have thought it hilarious. Anyways, my car is totalled. TOTALLED. I hate car shopping, and I am so not excited to have to go through that whole process again. Even though this totally, like, sucks, I can still see God in it. As of June, I owed less than 100 dollars on my car. I will get the entire amount from the insurance company - this amounts to about four grand. I was also supposed to get my car to the mechanic for about 600 dollars worth of work before I left for Colorado. I was already sensing God's faithfulness in this - I had more than enough money in my savings account. The mechanic couldn't fit me in. Hallelujah! That's 600 dollars towards another car. Right now, I'm just trying to find the car that God has picked out for me. And I'm really grateful for good friends who are willing to help me out with this.

June 4-7: Family Reunion - Colorado Springs, CO

Even though I was still reeling from the previous days events, my family and I packed up and flew to Colorado as planned. Can I just say how much I hate family reunions? Getting together with this side of the family really stresses me out. My dad comes from a family of 10 kids, so whenever they get together, family dynamics always play out. Everyone is so afraid of stepping on toes and spilt milk that nobody ever seems to have any fun. Fully knowing this, I prepared myself to have fun. God totally honored this - he gave me several little gifts that weekend. Seriously, it felt like Christmas. On Friday, mom and I were gifted with a little free time. We ended up in this little art district. We just got to enjoy everything. We ate lunch at this little tea house called The Wisdom Tea House. It was beautiful - the day was perfect. I ate the best sandwich on the planet and got to enjoy some chit chat with mom. It was so wonderful. So picturesque. The retreat center where we held the reunion was shared by a church group. I got to unexpectedly participate in one of their worship sessions. Just sitting on the hill behind that little church and singing, with the mountains behind me was so amazing. It gave me the strength and encouragement to have peace in the middle of the family chaos. And then on Saturday, God gifted me something else: A traffic jam. This one is going to take a little perspective, so let me lay it out for you. My Aunt Barb was supposed to drive me, my Grandma Kathy, and my Cousin Rhonda into the Springs to shop for my Cousin Sammi's 16th birthday. The trip should have taken 20 minutes max. We spent an hour and a half trying to get there. That was an hour and a half that I got to spend with my Grandma. It was so great. Totally not ideal, and I genuinely felt bad that we got stuck on the freeway, but it was just such a gift! The rest of the day was totally a disaster, but that memory will definitely outlive the rest of the day's events.

On Sunday morning, I packed up and flew back to Phoenix. It was kind of a stressful ordeal, no lies. The person I thought was going to pick me up from the airport, couldn't. Again, God totally came through. Right before I had to turn my cell phone off on the plane. Totally better than I ever could have imagined.

June 7-13: Church Camp Counselor - Heber, AZ

I ended up going straight from the airport to church, and going from church to camp to set up for the campers' arrival on Monday. God gifted me with fellowship with my friends, laughter, and a chance to eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Enough said. Definitely a good start to the week ahead.

What can I say about my first year as a camp counselor? Pretty much everything. It was five consecutive days of eating, sleeping, praying, laughing, and just basically living life with students. So amazing! I saw Jesus in our students this week! I'm so proud of them. I saw the Spirit come alive to break down barriers, build community, and enlighten. It was also the first year that I got to partner with some of my friends to lead worship. I was playing keyboard for camp for the very first time. So nerve-wracking. The performer perfectionist in me got scared. But God totally used this experience to grow me in new ways. The presence of Holy Spirit during worship was truly phenomenal. I got to digest the chapel time with a group of girls each night. It was just such a time of celebration. I was so stoked for them as they shared what God was doing in them - moving them to raise their hands during worship for the first time, solidifying friendships, and building servant's hearts. So good. There is just so much that God did this last week - this is truly just the tip of something greater than anything I could possibly imagine. By the end of the week, I was totally exhausted, but totally fulfilled at the same time. I just want to cry, it's so good. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm crying right now.

The theme for camp this year was "On the EDGE." We got to follow God' s people on some really important journeys and learn what they learned. We learned about true love, true servant hood, and true faith. We learned what it meant to be Christ with skin on. I really feel like I have been living on the EDGE. God is just giving me little gifts every time I turn around. His faithfulness is everywhere I never imagined it would be. He is so good.

Hills and Valleys

So I feel pretty ecstatic right now, which is awesome because last week felt like an uphill battle. What really gives me goosebumps is that I feel like I'm living Psalm 126:5. The way that my life has been playing out over the last few weeks has definitely been a life sized version of sowing tears and reaping joy.

Last week was so hard - I received news that left me feeling defeated and worthless, let jealousy and insecurities threaten a friendship, and struggled to make healthy decisions. All things said, I was taking a casual stroll through the valley, limited by earthly vision and human goals. It felt like I was trying to climb a hill where I could see more clearly, but really I was allowing myself to pace at the bottom of it. The first part of Psalm 126:5 talks about sowing tears. Did I sow tears? Yes! A lot of tears, actually.

I also felt unexpectedly creative last week. I've been playing piano a lot more, and that's been cool, but I wanted to explore some new terrain, so I sketched a design, bought some paints and brushes, and just basically started painting. It was kind of soothing in a way, because it was a way that I could express myself. What I ended up with is the picture above. Knowing the basic idea that God can take the bad and turn it into good, I set out to find a verse based on the idea of tears. And then I found Psalm 126:5. I was so elated. This was God's message to me in the midst of all this yucky stuff. Okay, now to the joy part.

I've discovered supernatural joy, that God is willing to gift us happiness in situations where the world demands our depression and angst. Because I was able to share in God's joy for others, I felt so fulfilled and happy doing student ministries at my church. I felt like I was in the right place. At the right time. And with the right people. Holy Spirit is so good! Everything in my life right now just feels so... right. I am seeing instances of His faithfulness all over the place. He has definitely opened up my eyes when it comes to certain situations. God gives me so much that I haven't even asked for, and I don't even deserve any of it. It's all Him. Right now is definitely a hill time in the context of the last couple of weeks. Everything is really intense right now, but I think all that stuff will slow down soon. It's amazing how He orchestrates things. So, have I reaped joy? Yes! Supernatural joy.

⁵ Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy. - Psalm 126:5

You

he tells me I'm not good enough

he throws my mistakes in my face

You are with me when times are tough

You shower me with grace

To whom do I owe this joy in my heart

With whom would I never part?

You, Lord! All to you, Lord!

he attacks me from behind

he puts on a show

You give me ease of mind

You guide me on the straight and narrow

To whom do I owe this joy in my heart?

With whom would I never part?

You, Lord! All to you, Lord!

he divides

he steers me from the light

You provide

You keep me in Your sight

To whom do I owe this joy in my heart?

With whom would I never part?

You, Lord! All to you, Lord!

he twists love

he hits and misses

You show love

You reveal Your promises

To whom do I owe this joy in my heart?

With whom would I never part?

You, Lord! All to you, Lord!

On Wanting to be "Mouth"

It's so hard to understand God's timing and God's plan, isn't it? I don't think that I ever fully will, but I am getting better at identifying it. Thank God, the Holy Spirit pacifies people who just don't get it sometimes. You know, people like me.

You see, there's this ...set of circumstances... in my life that I just don't get. I found out some information today, and I was like "Really? Why them? Why not me? REALLY?" (It was not unlike that segment on SNL's Weekend Update that Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers used to do.) I just didn't get it. It still doesn't seem to make any sense.

Okay, so while my mind is going through a bitter set of doubts and disappointing self talk, Holy Spirit, like, randomly starts interjecting stuff from the likes of Jeremiah 29:11, Ecclesiastes 3, and Proverbs 31:25. To be honest, I responded to that in a very Weekend Update kind of way. Wasn't God supposed to be ashamed at this injustice, or, at the very least, disapproving? And then God reminded me that His people form a body, that the mouth is no more important than the fingers, and that, as long as that body is oxygenated by His heart, with His mind over our matter, it cannot be anything but healthy. God designates who gets to be Mouth, and who gets to be Finger. After all, saliva and vocal chords wouldn't help someone who wanted to give a high five or write a note. Neither would knuckles and cuticles help someone sing a song or deliver a message. (In reality, the church needs to be a complete body, full of those who deliver the Good News by speaking it, writing it, and acting it out.)

It's still so hard for me to grasp God's reasons for making me one part of the body, as opposed to the other. I know God's truth about these things on a head level, but some ideas have yet to diffuse into my heart. Why is that so hard for us? I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this. Is it the fact that churches seem to showcase those who are Mouth? Could be. But I think it goes much deeper than that.

Because, as all God-related things seem to connect, I am also reminded of a certain sermon entitled "Blood Brothers." On Sunday, we learned, or rather, were reminded of the fact that it is our nature to look out for number one. So, basically, it is very natural for us to act in a way that says, "I am mouth, hear me roar," or "I am hand, see me punch." What do we do with that??? Well, really, we can do nothing. Once again, it is God who puts us in exactly the right place at the right time. Under His direction, we can say, "I am Mouth, let me tell you about what He has done in me," or "I am Hand, let me pat you on the back and push you forward to better things."

So, back to my, um, distressing situation. It just doesn't seem so distressing anymore. I know that God has designated me the right position in the body. I think some diffusion just happened. And I give God thanks for that. He's got me right where he wants me.

"¹⁴Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. ¹⁵If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. ¹⁶And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.¹⁷If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰As it is, there are many parts, but one body." - I Corinthians 12:14-20

5/13/2012

Approximately 3 years from today, I will be sitting on the field, waiting to graduate from ASU. Someone important will probably be speaking about the rest of my life and bla bla bla. I'll be getting my diploma in Social Work and Nonprofit Management and Leadership. That's all I care about. But before then, here are some random goals that I have:

1. Grow my hair really long.

2. Cut my hair really short.

3. Visit New York, NY.

4. Throw one of those clue mystery parties.

5. Write a song.

6. Learn to paint.

7. Take a road trip.

8. Learn to play guitar.

9. Go to a different continent.

10. Run a 10K.

I'm already on my way to accomplishing some of these. So excited!