The Day I Found John 15 in my Closet

As Chris very accurately put it, I've already hit D2 of this season. I don't think I ever actually got through D2 last semester, so maybe this is just a continuation? Ha.

Today, though, I was reminded that D2 is a time for tons of vision and grace, both from people in leadership over me and from Jesus Himself.

So what's the vision? Pruning.

It really does remind me of cleaning out my closet last month. I found myself saying things like:

"Maybe I could like this, given the right combination."

"Well, these jeans used to fit..."

"I really did like this awhile ago, maybe I'll just wait and see if I begin to like it again."

"I don't remember why I bought this, but I probably had a good reason at the time."

I think these same excuses go for other areas of my life. There are things I do that certainly were a good fit to my style and capacity a while ago, but I think these words from Jesus are ringing true with incredible clarity for me right now:

"I am the true vine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." -John 15:1-4

Jesus is like, "Hey Amanda, remember the time you surrendered your schedule to me? Remember how the promise of life abundant and balance are the legs you stand on? Remember all the ways I work things out for you when you commit yourself to being faithful with your time? Remember how important honor is?"

... And there's the grace.

Hey Jesus, I think you're right about that. I think it's time to get the shears out.

Reality

I'm an idealist, in case you haven't figured it out yet. I can easily sit for a whole afternoon and think of possibilities, yet do nothing. The prospect of what could be distracts me to the point of ignoring what is.

So I've been learning that, in reality, life isn't fair.

In reality, that guy I barely knew who seemed like he could be amazing really wasn't.

In reality, I probably can't live 36 hours of life in 24.

In reality, not every person I talk to will take my advice to heart.

In reality, not every Christian who needs to understand Jesus' heart for social justice will immediately understand and jump on board.

And that's when I realize that, the more I commit myself to what God is doing and surrender my dreams completely to Him, the more I'm okay with reality and the way things are.

In reality, Jesus came so I could have life and have it to the full.

In reality, I have an important role to play in God's dream to reclaim all that is good in the world.

In reality, I get to invest my life in the amazing women in my huddle.

In reality, Jesus is making my dreamboat husband more like Himself everyday.

In reality, Jesus' love is greater than life itself.

In reality, I get to draw a great deal of authority from the intimate relationship I have with God.

In reality, the more I am faithful with the things God has given me, the more I will be given.

In reality, I get to enjoy peace and hope as fruits of deep relationship.

In reality, I have been given the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven.

I still dream, but I recently feel much less compelled to. Reality is just too good.

In case you were wondering: http://listen.grooveshark.com/playlist/Um+Yes+/42419675

Diet Cokes

D2.

Have you ever been to a restaurant? The kind where the waitress constantly hovers near your table, petitioning to refill your cup of diet coke? The kind where you are constantly reassured by Jill, your server, that your cup will never be empty?

Have you ever seen a well? The kind that they dig deep into the ground to access the clean water hidden from view? The kind whose depths look black and abysmal to your eyes? The kind you lower a bucket into?

My answer is yes to both questions; however, this isn't really about wells or tumblers of diet coke. This is about character.

So, in life, there are three kinds of topography.

There are the mountain tops - Those moments with God where you feel like He is right there. Like He's in the air and the trees and the sky.

There are the valleys - those moments with God where you feel His heart ache with you, those times where you can just feel His hot tears on your shoulder.

And then there is stable ground - the moments of life that just seem to pass with the click of a ticking clock and the flip of a calendar page.

In some places, if you dig deep enough, you will find a dangerous current of water. Underneath the seemingly boring, there is excitement waiting to be found.

I'm trying to dig a well.

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder why I'm not excited. It usually means that I'm not being challenged. And then, once I am challenged, I look at my life and wonder why things are so difficult.

Lately, I've been really challenged with things that I lack in character in comparison to Jesus. You see, I don't want to be a good citizen or a good Christian, I want people to receive Life from me. So that is my well. How do I become like Him? How do I dig deep enough to access the constant excitement that comes from living the Gospel? How do I dig deep enough to access Jesus' passion for healing the sick, feeding the poor, and showing people the Father?

I can't say that I know what I've gotten myself into. If we are speaking in terms of digging wells, there is no bottom in sight. All I know is that the best way to become like someone is to hang out with them as much as possible.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes hanging out with God feels like scratching the surface of concrete, but the promise of depth and excitement keeps me going. The more I surrender my life to Him and throw the rocks and debris behind me, the more I see.

The more I see that He really did come so I could have life, but not just so I could have any old life, but so that I could have life to the full. Exciting, challenging, adventurous Life.

The more I see that Holy Spirit really is like an overeager waitress, that He always has a refill for me, that I never have to run out of peace or joy or hope.

The more I see that there is a difference between dehydration and thirst.

The more I see that I never have to be dehydrated, I never have to feel like I'm dying or hazy or about to faint of boredom.

The more I see that I will always be thirsty, that I will never, ever get enough relationship with Him.

The more I see that my thirst for right relationship will be continually gratified.

The more I see that character really is about wells and refills of diet coke.

Ruined

When was the last time something ruined you? What was it like? Did it make you cry? Did you change the way you live?

Jesus is ruining my life.

This isn't one of those apocalyptic conversion stories where I tell you that I used to drink, have tons of sex, and smoke marijuana. If you'd like one of those, stop reading. You're not going to get it here.

This story involves good news so powerful that I can no longer stomach the 'glorious' American Dream, churches more interested in attracting new members than sharing Jesus, or meaningless relationships and empty ritual. The more I read the Bible and understand who Jesus was, the more I know that so many things in our culture are just wrong. Plain wrong.

You might want me to say that the world is getting so bad and that these are signs that the world is going to end or something. If you are expecting me to say that, you will be sorely disappointed.

I think the problem is inside of the church.

When did individual churches become like designer brand names? When did we start ignoring the Kingdom? As far as I'm concerned, we're missing out. Not just missing out, dying. My generation is walking away from the church in droves. Contrary to popular belief, it's not because we don't have an amazing worship band or awesome programs. It's because we've become more obsessed with appealing to seekers, old people, and hipsters than actually submitting to each other in love, surrendering to Holy Spirit, and leading the charge for social justice.

Isn't that what Jesus was about? I was reading about Him in Luke today and I was so challenged by the fact that His mission statement was to proclaim good news to the poor, proclaim freedom for the prisoners, recover sight for the blind, set the oppressed free, and proclaim favor (Luke 4). Can we honestly say that we are doing this, that these passions are in the forefront of our minds, that everything we do is a reflection of Jesus' mission statement?

On behalf of the church, I am truly sorry.

What would the Church look like if we really allowed the suffering of the world to ruin us? After all, it broke God's heart so much that He sent His beloved son to die. What if we were no longer concerned about perfectly planned sermon series and attractive programming? What if our main priority was to love each other and love the world? Wait, isn't that the greatest commandment (Matthew 22)? What if we were less concerned about getting people to church and more concerned about Spirit-led radical life change in the people around us? Wait, isn't that the Great Commission (Matthew 28)? I think it could look something like this:

⁴² They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2)

I'm throwing out some pretty heavy accusations. So, before you charge me with being a hypocrite, I will be the first to admit that I haven't allowed the Gospel to ruin me the way that it should.

The problem is inside of me.

I'm sorry, world. I'm sorry for being more obsessed with serving the church than loving my neighbor. I'm sorry that I have rationed my love to only people who share my interests, opinion on politics, and lifestyle choices. I'm sorry for spending more time at 4530 W. Thunderbird Rd. than on the streets with people who are hurting. I'm sorry for strategizing ways to grow the church when I should have been hitting my knees in prayer for my city and nation. Most of all, I'm sorry for viewing you, hurting world, through a filter of judgment, rather than compassion.

I refuse to sit on my hands and complain about trivial things while you suffer. I refuse to barricade myself off from you with the walls of the church.

The truth is I'm ruined for you. I'm ruined for you the same way that God's heart was so broken for you that He sent His son to die for you. Your suffering breaks His heart and it's starting to break mine. I want to love you the way He does, the way He pursues you with unlimited compassion. I don't have all the answers, nor do I think I ever will. But I am sincerely trying.

I know that God's heart beats extra fast for you. The more I become like Him, the more mine does too.

50 Things You Probably Never Wanted to Know

1. I really like Ritz crackers.

2. I buy most of my clothes at thrift stores.

3. I like lemon in my water.

4. I' m an idealist.

5. I chew on my cuticles sometimes.

6. I'm always thinking of 3 different ways to say things at any given time. Sometimes I get them mixed up.

7. Working at a coffee shop has made me appreciate plain old coffee and tea so much more.

8. I once had pneumonia for almost a month.

9. I used to watch the movie Thumbelina every Saturday morning when I was 6.

10. I had my first alcoholic drink about a month ago. It gave me a headache.

11. I don't like my food to touch.

12. I'd rather play first and work later.

13. I have my ears pierced, but don't wear earrings because my ears are freakishly allergic to any kind of metal.

14. I like odd numbers because they are symmetrical.

15. I speak in analogies.

16. I read 4 books at a time.

17. I used to want to be a lawyer. Or an imagineer. Or a ballerina.

18. I detest ranch on salads, but can tolerate it on most anything else.

19. I'd really like to marry Gilbert Blythe from the Anne of Green Gables series.

20. I don't know all the words to most of my favorite songs.

21. My strongest areas of ministry are currently prophet and apostle. I sometimes wish I was a better teacher and pastor at this point in my life. (...3dm five-fold ministry)

22. I often get bored with the present and start dreaming about the future.

23. I'd really like to backpack through Europe someday.

24. I always communicate better in writing.

25. I am an Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiver.

26. I extravert my intuitive and introvert my feeler.

27. I would spend every evening on my back porch if I could.

28. I think ASU West is romantic.

29. My favorite drink is a 24 ounce iced coffee with an ounce of vanilla, 2 splenda, and about a quarter inch of half & half.

30. I never feel like I get all of my ideas out clearly when speaking.

31. I talk really fast about the things I am passionate about. Emphatic hand gestures are usually a given.

32. I try to find a coffee shop in every new place I visit.

33. I can quote almost all of the movie Ever After.

34. I have a habit of empathizing with the pain of characters in the movies.

35. If I find that I have used incorrect grammar or spelling in a facebook post, I will delete it and rewrite it.

36. I like a vegetarian burrito at Chipotle - not because I'm a vegetarian, though. I just really like guacamole.

37. I used to play the oboe.

38. The shade of my hair color is rosewood, natural instincts #30.

39. I'm 6 feet tall when I wear high heels.

40. I smile real big when people reference philosophy and literature. Seriously, it makes my day.

41. I need 15 minutes in the morning before I can talk to you.

42. Details and structure stress me out a little bit.

43. I wear my relationship status on my finger. It's an Irish thing.

44. I think I could spend a whole day at the Phoenix Art Museum.

45. Wearing a pea coat is one of my favorite parts of winter.

46. The texture of certain foods bothers me more than taste.

47. I used to get in trouble for singing during class when I was in elementary school.

48. White gummy bears are my favorite.

49. I wear less make up now than I did in jr. high.

50. I have never relied so much on my planner in my entire life.

Fall-right with Me

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting at Cabin Coffee, a pumpkin spice chai sits next to me, and I am being serenaded by Colton Avery (At least I'd like to think so). I love this.

I know it's only been fall for a week and it's still over 100 degrees outside, but I love it so far. It's like the physical marking of a new season, you know?

I started a new season in life last month and that's going ... alright. Sometimes I catch myself off balance, but I feel empowered that I'm actually noticing and making changes as I go. I'm realizing more and more that this is a harvest season. That's cool because that's totally a theme of fall. It's also cool because I'm seeing things spring to life around me. It's not just that they're springing to life, it's that I'm reaping God's goodness in so many ways. I love His sense of humor in putting those things together just for me.

Things I love about fall so far:

-My new mac :)

-My lovely friends

-Hot drinks at Cabin Coffee (But only when the A/C's cooling down the place!)

-Urban Plunge

-Royal at the Market

Things I'm looking forward to:

-Rocking a beret on a regular basis

-Hot drinks at Cabin Coffee (Regardless of A/C)

-Hiking any time of day

-College Weekend

-Cardigans

I know that harvest season doesn't last all year long, nor do we sometimes realize that it's happening; but for right now, I'm diggin' it.

21!

I waved goodbye to my golden year yesterday.

This was my absolute favorite birthday ever. I got to celebrate with my parents on Saturday at Bucca Di Beppo and cheer at 12:01 am with some of my favorite people ever. Some of my good friends stopped in at work to wish me happy birthday yesterday and then I had a pomegranate margarita, some awesome Oggi's pizza, and watched Prince of Persia with everyone last night. I feel so intensely blessed and favored with everything that's happening in my life right now. And I still have my fabulous birthday party to look forward to on Friday!

This past year has been my favorite year ever. It was the year that I grew the most spiritually, experienced depth and life in my relationships, and started to understand God's heart so much more than I ever had before. Some of my favorite things from last year:

• Starting Louder Than Words
• Interning with Chris
• Huddle with Kelsi
• Getting to know my two best friends
• Colorado trip
• Leading my first mission trip
• CCCSM as a whole
• Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
• Portland in the fall
  

From that, I know that the next year of my life is going to be even better. I don't know what God has for me and I refuse to speculate about that, but I am excited about growing even deeper with Him. I know that He has so much more for me than I could ever even comprehend at this point in my life. If twenty was any indication of intense growth, twenty-one is going to be full of invitation and challenge.

Aaaaand my favorite season of the year starts in two days!