Vision + Rest + Work + Potential

I feel as if there are so many things in my life that are just starting. It's like looking out over a garden, seeing a field of little green plants shooting up, and envisioning the potential flowers, herbs, and vegetables that will someday bring a unique color to the landscape.

This is probably the busiest I have ever been - I'm taking 19 credit hours this semester, putting more of myself into my internship than ever, investing in deep friendships, leading a lifegroup for discipleship level highschool students, exploring the bounds of my creativity, learning how to be in comitted relationship with Jesus, and kicking off another year of Louder Than Words, all while trying to remain in balance.

This is definitely a season of intense work, but that doesn't mean it has to be stressful. All of these things bring me intense joy, and I refuse to let the enemy steal it. I'm realizing that stress is joy that has been replaced with frustration. I'll have none of that! To avoid being stressed out, I am using my time intentionally to emphasize healthy rest (worship, painting, Bible reading, sleep, deep friendships) and productive work (using the cracks in my schedule to establish little tasks that build up over time and working ahead.)

None of this frightens me in the least. Perhaps I am a bit crazy. All I know is that I feel ready. I see so much potential in my life right now. If you know the lingo, you might say I'm in D1 - I'm eager and excited, but there is still so much I've yet to experience. I know there will come a day when it's time to water, weed, and replant all of these growing things in my life. I know it will be hard to remain excited when that time comes, but for right now, I'm flourishing on vision of things to come.

Things That Make Me Smile

Jesus

Abiding

Books by Donald Miller

Latte Art

The Color Yellow

Picnics

Trees

Friendship

Ice Cream

Painting

Journaling

Ever After

It's Okay to Ask for Stuff

My window's open. I'm listening to The Swell Season. I smell like espresso. Life is good.

I must confess that this season of life is a bit odd. I'm finally at the point in my relationship with God where His work in me is beginning to show. It's kind of a vulnerable place to be because there are so many times when I sense that Holy Spirit is asking me to hold back. Most of me wants to just tell everyone how God has rocked me over the past year, but I am learning to surrender to Him for opportunities to give people some of our fruit when they are ready to hear it. A few weeks ago, I didn't understand why, but I've learned that he wants me to be faithful with everything He has given me, including my testimony. This means that I need to make time to just be with Him more than ever. In accordance with John 15, the only way I can produce more fruit is to abide in Him more.

I can't even tell you how much I've enjoyed time with God this week. He is so gentle, yet powerful. So sweet, yet so challenging. So big, yet so personal. I forgot how truly romantic He is.

This scene is so romantic because the most intimate, beautiful way Darcy could ever address Elizabeth is with his name; she is his. I find this so beautiful. It is so good to be reminded that I am His. He knows everything about me, and yet He still wants me. He doesn't even just want me, He pursues me.

My favorite thing about Him this week is that I got to ask for things! While spending time with Him, He told me how He wanted me to rely on Him and other people more, and that I really should get over myself and ask for things once in a while. If you know me well, you know that I have a really hard time with this because I'm so afraid of inconveniencing people. Holy Spirit prompted me to ask Him for something on Thursday morning, and by that night, He had provided for so many things in so many ways. It was totally unreal. After talking to my friend, Shellie about an experience she had with Him this week, I asked Him for a fun, spontaneous date. As I was getting ready to watch a movie at a friend's house on Friday night, He whispered to me that it was time. We had so much fun! We painted together and listened to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack for three hours. It was so fun because He would give me little ideas for my painting, I would paint them, and then He would give me more - I have never felt so inspired and creative.

I love the ways that He calls me to be faithful with everything that I have - my time, my relationships, my fruit, my money, my thoughts, my body. I can't help but want to be faithful because He is so good! His faithfulness is reoccurring and duplicating all around me. It's like I'm Mrs. Darcy, but much more completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy.

Silhouettes Against a Gorgeous Valley

So, in the movie Pride and Prejudice, there is this scene where Elizabeth Bennet is standing at the top of this cliff. The camera pans out to reveal her silhouette against this gorgeous valley and the piano music surges and flourishes as she stands there and breathes in its beauty.

I was listening to the movie soundtrack on my way home from Colorado yesterday, and I realized that there are so many moments in my life where I feel like Eliza Bennet on top of that cliff. These are the moments when I discover that I am a small, yet significant silhouette on the horizon of God's beauty and greatness. This filled me with wonder as I cracked a huge smile and tears of gratitude and humility slid down my cheeks.

The last five days of my life have been packed with moments such as these. Though I feel like I've been to Colorado about a zillion times on trips to visit family, everything about this particular trip was so new and raw. It seems we went pretty much every where I had never gone before - Maroon Bells, Independence Pass, Aspen, Salida, Noah's Ark. These are all places I couldn't have possibly comprehended without experiencing them with every sense in my body. I found myself thinking that there couldn't be anything more beautiful. That's when I knew that I couldn't be more wrong. These experiences confirmed that there is so much more beauty to the world that I haven't experienced, which made me realize that there is so much more to God that I don't even know. It's more than incredible how God designed us to be enamored and overwhelmed by each tiny piece of ground revealed to us in our journey back to Eden.

I also happened to be reading this book called Searching for God Knows What. Donald Miller successfully blew my mind in a chapter called, Naked: Why Nudity is the Point. In it, he points out how huge and beautiful Eden must have been, and how we can't possibly compare its beauty to any other natural wonder. Beyond the landscape, he talked about how Adam and Eve lived in a constant state of vulnerability and trust before God; their lives were in perfect sync with God's desire for a tangible relationship with them. Can you imagine being so comfortable around someone that you were constantly naked around them? Their unabashed nakedness is the perfect symbol of their beautiful relationship with God. Reading this chapter made me intensely aware of my desire to be in Eden. The idea of a relationship with God so constant, unashamed, and free is the reason why Eden is so beautiful. It makes me so happy to know that Jesus died to reclaim that kind of beauty for me.

So, basically, all of these beautiful places in Colorado were reminders to me that there is so much more that I have yet to experience in life. They're breathtaking, but they pale in comparison to the physical beauty of Eden. In the same way, the silhouette moments of my life are only going to get better as I grow in my relationship with Jesus. That's so exciting because there is so much to the Holy Spirit that I have yet to know or experience. Knowing that God will always have more beauty for me to take in is intensely amazing.

4 Shades of Red

It's like I hardly recognize this girl in the picture to the left.

Who was that girl? A year ago, I was still searching for my identity. I had just started entering into a heartfelt and sincere relationship with Jesus three months prior. In a way, I was much like a toddler, taking little steps, clinging to anything that seemed the least bit stable. In this same way, my friendships lacked depth and vulnerability. Sure I had some good friends, but we were rarely focused on leading each other to Jesus and staying accountable to God's best. I remember feeling so afraid to take risks - I didn't know what God wanted to do through me yet. I spent so much time being jealous of other peoples' gifts that I ignored the authority that God wanted to give me to impact others' lives.

I cannot help but realize how much difference a year makes. My hair has been four different shades of red since then, I've driven two different cars, I've left my teenage years, I've changed jobs, I've grown in my capacity to love, etc. It's totally crazy to think that I hadn't even met or become friends with some of the people who know me the best now. Everything is tremendously changed.

...And then there's the girl on the right.

This past year has been a time of intense, deep, and gentle growth in my heart. It's amazing how much we can grow when we invest time into going up with our relationship with God, in with our community, and out into the world to proclaim the Gospel with our lives. I've been intentionally sowing into these three areas this past year, and I just feel like my life is starting to produce fruit. I never realized how crucial all of this was - I always thought that other things would make me happy. These things consisted of finding a boyfriend, moving out, finding a better paying job, etc. None of these things have happened to me this year, and I have never been more joyful and excited to live my life.

Up: God continues to increase the depth of our relationship each day. He continues to surprise me with new dreams and deep love; I find myself hungry for quality time with Him. Every time I surrender a part of my life over to Him, I get so much more of His grace, love, and power. I'm so excited for this next year of my life because I know that I am going to experience more of this and more of Him. There is so much more growth to experience on this journey.

In: God has really blessed me with an incredible community; I think that this is probably the biggest area of growth for me.

I've really been gaining perspective on the idea of church. I get to be a part of three vastly different communities on a weekly basis. Open Heaven is a house church I go to on Saturday nights. It's not uncommon for the Holy Spirit to do rad stuff there; it really boosts my faith every time I hear testimony of what God is doing. I'm probably most involved at CCC, which is where I truly experience the family of God. I love worshiping Jesus with people of all different ages and backgrounds. And I love investing in the Jr. High kids there. And then there's The Exchange at Pure Heart, which is all young adults. This is where I just get to have fun with amazing friends and get fed during worship. I view all three of these as my church, and I'm so thankful for the community that I have in all of them.

I have the privilege of regularly being mentored and challenged by Chris and Kelsi. I meet with Chris on a weekly basis as a part of my internship with him. I'm so thankful that I have this opportunity - he is so supportive of my dreams and so willing to help me make them happen. I also get to be in Kelsi's huddle, where I am learning so much about the Holy Spirit, healing, and spiritual authority. I love doing life with this group of women; I gain more clarity on life with every Kairos I process. I also belong to an amazing small group where we are learning to wait on the Lord for His best. I seriously love all of this so much.

I have these incredible friends named Brittney and Madi that point me to Jesus. We are seriously the silliest girls you will ever meet. I have so many fun memories with them, and I love that we can have crazy deep philosophical conversations on a regular basis. My favorite thing about them is that we are on this intense journey of knowing Jesus together. The way that we keep each other accountable to God's best is so encouraging. I've never known friends who understand life so well. I'm also grateful that I've been meeting so many other friends in the past few months, and I hope that I still know all these people for the rest of my life. I feel like I have so many opportunities to do amazing things because of my them - hikes, luaus, volleyball, upcoming road trips. Ahhh so good.

I'm also really excited to say that there are a lot of really great guys in my life. I'm learning so much about being faithful and being a friend and a sister to the men around me. I seriously can't tell you how much I love it when guys honor me by walking me to my car, getting to know what's important to me, or just asking me about my day. I know that God has a lot to teach me about honoring them as a friend and a sister, and someday as a wife to my husband.

And last but not least, I love my family. I didn't realize how different college would make my life, even though I still lived at home. My mom and dad have been so supportive of everything that God has called me into over this past year. We don't see each other all that often, but we take time each Sunday afternoon to eat lunch together and catch up on all the things happening in our lives. I'm so thankful for them.

Out: I feel like this area of my life is the most recent one to bear fruit. Yeah, I've been a Jr. High leader for the past couple of years, but I feel like God is challenging me to do so much more. It has only been over the past few months that I've felt comfortable sharing what the Lord is doing in me and praying for people. I felt so inspired last night when some of my friends were talking about sharing the Gospel on Mill Ave. I think that this is a probable next chapter in this journey I'm on. I'm becoming incredibly passionate about people experiencing the power of Jesus, and hungry for revival. If anything, I want the Holy Spirit to work through me in every interaction, leaving people hungry for more of Him.

I'm so stoked for the next chapter of my Louder Than Words, too. I'm starting to work on events for the upcoming months, and am feeling so fulfilled. I'm learning so much of this as I go, and I feel really stretched by it sometimes; however, I know that God has me doing this right now, even if it is sometimes hard. This is the area I want to grow in most in the next year - I want to see people healed, made whole, and rejoicing because of Jesus.

Developing my out had become a very real next step because I've grown so much in my relationship with God (Up) and my relationships with people (In). I'm so excited to see what the next four shades of red will look like.

Captivating Mermaids

First of all, I just want to give a shout out to my friend Yvonne for planning an incredible movie night for our Jr. High girls. We ended up watching The Little Mermaid and discussing all of the real life parallels. The girls were amazed at how this cartoon movie could possibly relate to their lives as young women. I probably hadn't seen The Little Mermaid in at least ten years until tonight, but I was so blown away by how much it reeked of truth about who we are as women.

I've also been reading Captivating and Wild At Heart by John and Stasi Eldredge lately. I love these books because they affirm that men and women are snapshots of God's heart for us. In other words, our longings and desires strongly correlate to the ones that God feels for us.

For a refresher on the plot of The Little Mermaid, click HERE

Ariel believes she has to change herself so that Eric will love her, and she almost destroys herself and her family in the process. I cannot tell you how many times I have become sick with this lie. Haven't we all? Ariel is willing to sign away her future and give up her voice for something that might not even last. Stasi Eldredge says this: "Little girls want to know Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen - that is what that's all about. We are seeking the answer to our Question. [...] Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her desire to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered "Yes!" THIS is why we turn to the lies that tell us that we need to be someone else to be captivating. Just as Ariel turns to Ursula for her legs, we turn to the lies that tell us to change ourselves, act more seductive, or pursue relationships that go against God's best for our lives. As I've been growing closer to God's heart this year, I feel like I've been experiencing more and more freedom from this each day. All I want is for all of the other women in my life to know that God delights in us SO MUCH that we don't need anything else to answer our Question.

Ursula promises Ariel love, but then proceeds to sabotage Ariel's chances every opportunity she gets. Ursula even goes so far as to use Ariel's stolen voice and to masquerade herself as a beautiful woman. Ursula doesn't create anything - all she does is destroy and steal. That is so like the enemy that we know. He comes to steal and destroy everything that is good - including romance. As women, we have such desire for romance - "What happens to each woman is that romance releases her true beauty and awakens her heart. She comes alive. As women, we long to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our femininity. We long for romance. We are wired for it; it's what makes our hearts come alive." (More Captivating). I get so angry when I realize that the enemy has lied to me and told me that I can only be validated by hastily finding a dating relationship and letting intimacy with that person alone fill the void that God longs to fill. The Lord promises us so much in this area. Hosea 2:14 says: "Therefore I am going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." As women, we have a choice to make. We can either accept the enemy's lie that a relationship holds all of our value and then proceed to watch him destroy everything good about it, or we can choose to wait on the Lord and let Him satisfy our deepest desires. It's truly wonderful if you think about it - we get to let the Lord prepare our hearts for His best and be loved passionately at the same time. I think I'm becoming more and more thankful everyday that God has called me into such deep romance with Him. I can hardly fathom seeking a relationship right now, because I am so aware of His faithfulness and His desire to continue preparing me to be an amazing wife someday.

I am so stoked about freedom and romance with Jesus, and I want so badly for people to know the truth that I've been growing in. As women, we cannot accept the world's lies that a string of broken hearts and "dating experience" is required to find our soul mate. We cannot allow ourselves to be seduced by the insincere beauty of the enemy. God desires so much more for us, but we must break free of anything that does not reflect the beautiful things that God promises. For me, that means being single right now and surrendering my love life completely over to Jesus every chance I get. I'm not going to lie, it's really hard sometimes. Recently, it has become so easy for me to get distracted by some of the incredible guys in my life. This is why I am so thankful for my two best friends who keep me accountable to freedom and God's best.

If anything, we are meant to be the princesses of our own fairy tales. The truth is that we are beautiful daughters of an incredibly generous and powerful king who is fiercely protective of our future. He wants the best for us, and He is faithful in preparing us for beautiful romance. All we have to do is consent to live under His power and rule before, during, and after we ride off into the sunset with a prince handpicked by Him.

Here's to misdirected inspiration. ...Back to my paper on nonprofit resourcing and theoretical approaches.

Thanks, Bro(s)

Dear guys,

My two best friends and I were talking about you last night. Don't take this the wrong way, we're not interested in dating any of you, but we did come to realize that we really appreciate some of the things that you do.

I'm pretty sure you know who you are.

You're the guys that tell us we look nice without hitting on us.

You're the guys that come talk to us and make us feel like we matter, without giving us the wrong idea.

You're the guys who go out of your way to give us a high five.

You're the guys who remember the things that are important to us.

You're the guys who watch out for us when other guys are acting like idiots.

You're the guys that encourage us to make decisions that reflect God's best.

Basically, we love it when you treat us like sisters. I'm really satisfied to say that I have a lot of great brothers right now. So keep up the good work!

We love you!

Amanda