Fall-right with Me

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting at Cabin Coffee, a pumpkin spice chai sits next to me, and I am being serenaded by Colton Avery (At least I'd like to think so). I love this.

I know it's only been fall for a week and it's still over 100 degrees outside, but I love it so far. It's like the physical marking of a new season, you know?

I started a new season in life last month and that's going ... alright. Sometimes I catch myself off balance, but I feel empowered that I'm actually noticing and making changes as I go. I'm realizing more and more that this is a harvest season. That's cool because that's totally a theme of fall. It's also cool because I'm seeing things spring to life around me. It's not just that they're springing to life, it's that I'm reaping God's goodness in so many ways. I love His sense of humor in putting those things together just for me.

Things I love about fall so far:

-My new mac :)

-My lovely friends

-Hot drinks at Cabin Coffee (But only when the A/C's cooling down the place!)

-Urban Plunge

-Royal at the Market

Things I'm looking forward to:

-Rocking a beret on a regular basis

-Hot drinks at Cabin Coffee (Regardless of A/C)

-Hiking any time of day

-College Weekend

-Cardigans

I know that harvest season doesn't last all year long, nor do we sometimes realize that it's happening; but for right now, I'm diggin' it.

21!

I waved goodbye to my golden year yesterday.

This was my absolute favorite birthday ever. I got to celebrate with my parents on Saturday at Bucca Di Beppo and cheer at 12:01 am with some of my favorite people ever. Some of my good friends stopped in at work to wish me happy birthday yesterday and then I had a pomegranate margarita, some awesome Oggi's pizza, and watched Prince of Persia with everyone last night. I feel so intensely blessed and favored with everything that's happening in my life right now. And I still have my fabulous birthday party to look forward to on Friday!

This past year has been my favorite year ever. It was the year that I grew the most spiritually, experienced depth and life in my relationships, and started to understand God's heart so much more than I ever had before. Some of my favorite things from last year:

• Starting Louder Than Words
• Interning with Chris
• Huddle with Kelsi
• Getting to know my two best friends
• Colorado trip
• Leading my first mission trip
• CCCSM as a whole
• Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
• Portland in the fall
  

From that, I know that the next year of my life is going to be even better. I don't know what God has for me and I refuse to speculate about that, but I am excited about growing even deeper with Him. I know that He has so much more for me than I could ever even comprehend at this point in my life. If twenty was any indication of intense growth, twenty-one is going to be full of invitation and challenge.

Aaaaand my favorite season of the year starts in two days!

The Possibilities of Now

Okay, so life has so much potential right now. I don't even really know what that means, but that's just the way it feels. Ha!

I don't think I've ever really realized how many directions I could go at any moment. It's kind of like looking at my closet - all of the clothes fit, but are all of them really appropriate for the season, occasion, etc.? I'm naturally accustomed to seeing the potential in any situation; sometimes the possibilities are extremely exciting. Other times, though, they can be very overwhelming.

Okay, so now I should probably share a practical life example. Over the summer, I felt like God was possibly calling me away next summer to do some kind of mission work. All summer long, my heart jumped at the chance to dream of all that was ahead. But lately, I don't have any peace about it. It's almost burdensome to think of all of the things that could be in the next year of my life.

Blah, I'm so future-oriented, it's ridiculous! I'm becoming increasingly settled in this season, which means that I'm naturally already starting to dwell in what the future looks like. Once a current season of life is not new, it becomes a bit dull. As a result, my dreams seem manageable and out of proportion all at the same time.

Past kairoses about this exact thing have proved that God is always up to something right now. Not soon. Not later. Not in a while. Now.

So, I'm learning to thank God for all that I see going on around me. My heart is full because I know that God seeks to use my present circumstances as preparation for the future.

Things I love about the present:

• Covenant relationship with Jesus
• Guy friends who honor me
• Saturdays
• My big kid sippy cup
• Huddle with Kelsi, Becky, Shellie, Alysa, Megan, Cat, Yvonne, and Jordan
• Doing ministry at CCCSM and being mentored by Chris O.
• Conversations with my momma
• Accountability friendship with Brittney and Madi
• Pandora radio
• Small Group
• Zumba
• TOMS
• Cabin Coffee
• God's infinite resource
• Louder Than Words
• Constantly renewed creativity
• My planner lol
• Thrift stores

... You get the point.

Vision + Rest + Work + Potential

I feel as if there are so many things in my life that are just starting. It's like looking out over a garden, seeing a field of little green plants shooting up, and envisioning the potential flowers, herbs, and vegetables that will someday bring a unique color to the landscape.

This is probably the busiest I have ever been - I'm taking 19 credit hours this semester, putting more of myself into my internship than ever, investing in deep friendships, leading a lifegroup for discipleship level highschool students, exploring the bounds of my creativity, learning how to be in comitted relationship with Jesus, and kicking off another year of Louder Than Words, all while trying to remain in balance.

This is definitely a season of intense work, but that doesn't mean it has to be stressful. All of these things bring me intense joy, and I refuse to let the enemy steal it. I'm realizing that stress is joy that has been replaced with frustration. I'll have none of that! To avoid being stressed out, I am using my time intentionally to emphasize healthy rest (worship, painting, Bible reading, sleep, deep friendships) and productive work (using the cracks in my schedule to establish little tasks that build up over time and working ahead.)

None of this frightens me in the least. Perhaps I am a bit crazy. All I know is that I feel ready. I see so much potential in my life right now. If you know the lingo, you might say I'm in D1 - I'm eager and excited, but there is still so much I've yet to experience. I know there will come a day when it's time to water, weed, and replant all of these growing things in my life. I know it will be hard to remain excited when that time comes, but for right now, I'm flourishing on vision of things to come.

Things That Make Me Smile

Jesus

Abiding

Books by Donald Miller

Latte Art

The Color Yellow

Picnics

Trees

Friendship

Ice Cream

Painting

Journaling

Ever After

It's Okay to Ask for Stuff

My window's open. I'm listening to The Swell Season. I smell like espresso. Life is good.

I must confess that this season of life is a bit odd. I'm finally at the point in my relationship with God where His work in me is beginning to show. It's kind of a vulnerable place to be because there are so many times when I sense that Holy Spirit is asking me to hold back. Most of me wants to just tell everyone how God has rocked me over the past year, but I am learning to surrender to Him for opportunities to give people some of our fruit when they are ready to hear it. A few weeks ago, I didn't understand why, but I've learned that he wants me to be faithful with everything He has given me, including my testimony. This means that I need to make time to just be with Him more than ever. In accordance with John 15, the only way I can produce more fruit is to abide in Him more.

I can't even tell you how much I've enjoyed time with God this week. He is so gentle, yet powerful. So sweet, yet so challenging. So big, yet so personal. I forgot how truly romantic He is.

This scene is so romantic because the most intimate, beautiful way Darcy could ever address Elizabeth is with his name; she is his. I find this so beautiful. It is so good to be reminded that I am His. He knows everything about me, and yet He still wants me. He doesn't even just want me, He pursues me.

My favorite thing about Him this week is that I got to ask for things! While spending time with Him, He told me how He wanted me to rely on Him and other people more, and that I really should get over myself and ask for things once in a while. If you know me well, you know that I have a really hard time with this because I'm so afraid of inconveniencing people. Holy Spirit prompted me to ask Him for something on Thursday morning, and by that night, He had provided for so many things in so many ways. It was totally unreal. After talking to my friend, Shellie about an experience she had with Him this week, I asked Him for a fun, spontaneous date. As I was getting ready to watch a movie at a friend's house on Friday night, He whispered to me that it was time. We had so much fun! We painted together and listened to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack for three hours. It was so fun because He would give me little ideas for my painting, I would paint them, and then He would give me more - I have never felt so inspired and creative.

I love the ways that He calls me to be faithful with everything that I have - my time, my relationships, my fruit, my money, my thoughts, my body. I can't help but want to be faithful because He is so good! His faithfulness is reoccurring and duplicating all around me. It's like I'm Mrs. Darcy, but much more completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy.

Silhouettes Against a Gorgeous Valley

So, in the movie Pride and Prejudice, there is this scene where Elizabeth Bennet is standing at the top of this cliff. The camera pans out to reveal her silhouette against this gorgeous valley and the piano music surges and flourishes as she stands there and breathes in its beauty.

I was listening to the movie soundtrack on my way home from Colorado yesterday, and I realized that there are so many moments in my life where I feel like Eliza Bennet on top of that cliff. These are the moments when I discover that I am a small, yet significant silhouette on the horizon of God's beauty and greatness. This filled me with wonder as I cracked a huge smile and tears of gratitude and humility slid down my cheeks.

The last five days of my life have been packed with moments such as these. Though I feel like I've been to Colorado about a zillion times on trips to visit family, everything about this particular trip was so new and raw. It seems we went pretty much every where I had never gone before - Maroon Bells, Independence Pass, Aspen, Salida, Noah's Ark. These are all places I couldn't have possibly comprehended without experiencing them with every sense in my body. I found myself thinking that there couldn't be anything more beautiful. That's when I knew that I couldn't be more wrong. These experiences confirmed that there is so much more beauty to the world that I haven't experienced, which made me realize that there is so much more to God that I don't even know. It's more than incredible how God designed us to be enamored and overwhelmed by each tiny piece of ground revealed to us in our journey back to Eden.

I also happened to be reading this book called Searching for God Knows What. Donald Miller successfully blew my mind in a chapter called, Naked: Why Nudity is the Point. In it, he points out how huge and beautiful Eden must have been, and how we can't possibly compare its beauty to any other natural wonder. Beyond the landscape, he talked about how Adam and Eve lived in a constant state of vulnerability and trust before God; their lives were in perfect sync with God's desire for a tangible relationship with them. Can you imagine being so comfortable around someone that you were constantly naked around them? Their unabashed nakedness is the perfect symbol of their beautiful relationship with God. Reading this chapter made me intensely aware of my desire to be in Eden. The idea of a relationship with God so constant, unashamed, and free is the reason why Eden is so beautiful. It makes me so happy to know that Jesus died to reclaim that kind of beauty for me.

So, basically, all of these beautiful places in Colorado were reminders to me that there is so much more that I have yet to experience in life. They're breathtaking, but they pale in comparison to the physical beauty of Eden. In the same way, the silhouette moments of my life are only going to get better as I grow in my relationship with Jesus. That's so exciting because there is so much to the Holy Spirit that I have yet to know or experience. Knowing that God will always have more beauty for me to take in is intensely amazing.